S.A.D.

November is my least favorite month. In recent years, it has been punctuated with more emotional upheaval than required in my already busy life. When the mind starts to wander and ends up on a road of those infamous 'what if's' and 'why's', the long periods of darkness in November seem foreboding and sinister.

Children are fantastic! They have no sense of time and definitely do not think about the future, their relationships with people, nor the problems that lie ahead. When I was a child, November could have been July, or any other month. As long as I had a few items and toys in hand, my mind was a fantasy book! I created worlds and imaginative figures that transformed my then present reality. And thus, the winter months quickly turned into Spring and then Summer, when I was able to carry my imaginative world outside.


My rambling has a point. S.A.D. No, I'm not just talking about the emotional state of being sad. S.A.D. is an acronym for Seasonal Affective Disorder, something I think I might suffer from slightly. Let me explain what I've come to understand about this 'disorder', if you really want to call it that.

Human beings thrive on light. Sunlight is important in everyday functioning and overall mental health. It regulates our "circadian rhythms" which is associated with our internal body clock. This body clock, in turn, affects our hormonal secretions and our sleep cycle. Lack of sunlight disrupts the regular functioning of our circadian rhythms which disrupts our sleep cycle and hormonal secretions and leads us to feel not energized, discontent, exhausted during the day even though we may have slept well at night, unmotivated, and in general, emotionally detached from people.

For me personally, many days during the winter months brings out all of these characteristics. You'd have to drag me out of bed in the mornings even though I slept 8 hours. Loneliness plagues me in the evenings even though I still live at home and am surrounded by 3 other family members. I have a hard time motivating myself to exercise or get more work done.

I have done much research to reverse the affects of S.A.D. Nutritionally, I have learned that eating fish and milk have helped the symptoms decrease as these foods contain Vitamin D and Omegas, both of which increase the hormones needed to augment productivity throughout the day as well as making you feel happy.

For those depressing evenings that seem to drag on forever, I have recently purchased a Light Therapy Lamp which so far has been working to improve my mood. It mimics a special frequency of sunlight which targets a specific receptor in your eye that is sensitive to this particular frequency. This in turn sends a message to your brain which resets your circadian rhythm and you begin to feel more rested, invigorated, and the feelings of loneliness disappear for longer periods of time (I like that part!). It even states that light therapy increases sexual drive which is always a plus!

A rather small device.

You can't directly look at the light as it is very bright!

I bought a lamp that also has a specific timer called "Sunrise". In the mornings, the lamp slowly turns on in a 30 minute time span, mimicking the sunrise. It takes another 30 minutes to turn off. This helps me mosey out of bed a lot faster. 

A very blue room!

 Overall though, I do know a lot of how I feel is 'mind over matter', a line my mother often relates to me. Also, if you smile and give a person a hug more than once throughout the day, the same hormones will be secreted making you happy and content.

I leave you with a older song called "Smile". This version sung by my favorite singer, Josh Groban:

Friendship

I'd like to take a minute and discuss what I feel is the true definition of friendship. Over my relatively short life, I have encountered many types of personalities that have different ideas of the definition of friendship. Here are my musings.

1. A person only has a few friends in their lifetime. In some cases, only as many as the amount of fingers on both hands.

2. An acquaintance is not the same as a friend. Acquaintances are people you know and can have a good conversation with from time to time, but aren't there to help you at your darkest times.

3. A friend is a person who will wake up or stay up with you at your most vulnerable moments and attempt to console you in their own unique way.

2 waterfalls, 2 friends merging together through life.

4. After being invited to a party/wedding/anniversary/functions in general that you do not want to go to alone, that friend will accompany you even though she/he may not want to go.

5. At the aforementioned series of events, that friend will take your glass of alcohol and pass you water when you've had too much to drink, or will take you home when you've fallen asleep on a couch in another person's home. All of this being done of course, without you asking.

6. A friend truly understands all your quirks and traits, good and especially the not so good and still accepts you regardless. Surprisingly, many people think they accept each other's quirks, but in reality, they try to avoid that person when the negative traits flare up or aren't all that supportive at all.

• i.e. excessive worrying. When a person worries too much about things that are out of his/her control, the result can be annoying and tedious for the friend enduring this trait. Yet, they still remain friends.

7. A friend remembers you. Simple statement yes, but think about precisely what this means. Remembering birthdays and milestones are important, but I have another example in mind.

• Knowing that you love going to a certain annual fundraiser that sells out quickly, a true friend asks you to sit at his/her table and goes out of his/her way to get the tickets instead of you pleading for them and getting an answer such as, "I don't have any tickets. The event is sold out" (when in fact it really isn't).

8. During your big milestones, birthdays, and important occasions, that friend will always be there celebrating with you.

9. I believe that your husband or wife should end up being your best friend.

10. At the root of friendship, there is love, respect, and trust- three traits I find the most important.

Risk

It's been awhile since I last wrote. I was having troubles finding inspiration in recent weeks but I have found something that I truly believe in but can be very hard to fully follow at times.

"To Risk"

by William Arthur Ward

To laugh is to risk appearing a fool,
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.

To reach out to another is to risk involvement,
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.

To place your ideas and dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.

To love is to risk not being loved in return,
To live is to risk dying,
To hope is to risk despair,
To try is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.

The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.

He may avoid suffering and sorrow,
But he cannot learn, feel, change, grow or live.

Chained by his servitude he is a slave who has forfeited all freedom.

Only a person who risks is free.




I take many risks in my profession. Risks in terms of what materials to teach and how to teach them, risks when it comes to assigning projects that the students may or may not like, or even recipes that may not appeal to anyone in my Foods classes. I take these risks as a way to challenge myself and keep myself interested in my line of work. 


Many risks end up in failure. I made Cream of Chicken Soup with my Foods 20 students and it wasn't a personal favorite for many, including teachers who sampled. I little risk as it was, I still vowed to find another recipe that will suit the needs of all as well as cover the curriculum. The next cooking class, I whipped out a chow mein and it was extremely successful. 


These examples are miniscule compared to the life risks that we all take. Risking friendships, love, personal standing in a community of people are things that often plague me as I sit on my couch looking at my beautiful red and orange leaved tree, contemplating making the "right" choices. 

I had a very in dept "philosophical" conversation with a good guy friend of mine about letting go, loosing up, and trusting. 


Trust.

A word that is full of meaning and a major risk. I trust women a lot more than men. My friend picked up on that quite quickly. I can pick up on whether or not my gal friends are telling me the truth and if they will keep my personal feelings and observations quiet. I know which women not to trust with a sensitive topic. I know which women gossip in a bad way. 


Men are so hard to read. And really, shouldn't it be quite the opposite? Women are the multi-layered ones! Yet, I find myself asking my best guy friend "You will keep this a secret, won't you?" I have had ex's and guy friends telling me I have trust issues due to one liners like that one. I should mention that this distrust does not come from a background or history of a bad family life. I really am not sure why I've stopped trusting men other than past failed relationships.


And so, my quest continues; to take a "risk" and trust men more. Period.

"To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self."

My aforementioned guy friend says I need to be myself more and stop pretending to be like the person I'm trying to please. It apparently gets me nowhere, go figure. Not that my personality changes completely when I'm around a person I'm interested in; however, I try too hard to like everything he likes and sometimes, like in my last relationship, I forget to do the things I love doing. Hence why I became so utterly depressed and bitter. To expose myself the way I am is a huge risk for me. I do it only in front of my closest friends (and family of course) who I know don't judge me. My comfort zone. No risk there. 


Maybe I should try being more myself around everyone and not give a damn what they think. Easier said than done.

"To love is to risk not being loved in return" 




The story of my life. More often than not, the men that I secretly begin to admire and look up to never seem to notice me the same way. Such is the way it goes, I know, but that is the risk we take, don't we.


When I was in my late teens and early 20s and I fell for a guy, if it was strong enough, I'd cave and write him a letter. I took the risk of rejection. It wasn't a mushy letter, but more so a letter stating that he was a fantastic guy to be with and that I had feelings for him. Words never came easily to my mouth but writing always has (Hence why I started a blog). Every single time, I was rejected, but I never felt bad. In fact, I felt better when I gave the guy the letter. A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.


I haven't written to men I liked in a very long time. I'm not even sure it would be appropriate anymore, especially since in my age bracket, men might be in very committed relationships (without me knowing). 


"He may avoid suffering and sorrow [by not risking],
But he cannot learn, feel, change, grow or live."


Which I have every time. I may have felt like I couldn't love anymore, but I don't regret dating. I grew incredibly as a person and learned many aspects of my personality.

Life is full of hope and that hope always finds a way back into my heart. My guy friend told me to take his advice to heart and I will albeit in baby steps. It isn't easy to change negative aspects of a personality.


Old habits die hard.


And love is the biggest risk in life.

Paul Brandt- Risk

(Listen to the lyrics, this is the way I want to live my life)

A Grobanite?

Have you ever gone to a concert that brought out every emotion, made you think of where you stand in life, the decisions you've made, and your ever plunging love life? Yet, you leave the concert feeling elated, hopeful, and in a dream like state?

I am a dreamer through and through. I might have mentioned this in my first blog. I started blogging because of my helpless romantic dreamer state. Here is another reason why the world is filled with tickling tinges of excitement and hope.

Music has been a part of me since I was born. My Grandmother is a music teacher (piano) and she conducted a choir for over 35 years. My Great-Aunt was an opera singer. My aunt was in the music business for 10 years in her 20's. So there isn't any doubt that I would come to love singing and piano.






When a piece of music is played that reminds me of my upbringing, my Grandmother, and can connect me to my deepest feelings, I am transported to another realm. To my safe haven. My utopia.

Many artists sing and write music well. However, there is one man that transforms a room he is in by his humor, wit, and let's not forget, his voice. And this is the man.

Now, this man here, his name stated in one of my pictures, has some great sounding pipes! Each time a note floats out of his voice box and into my ears, I'm transcending time and space. His God given talent is undeniable! Not only does he truly have a great baritone (at times tenor) voice, his lyrics are meaningful. It is too often that I hear lyrics on today's top 40 talking about sex, grinding, one night stands, and women given fame and fortune if they give it to their rich men. There is no inspiration there.

Josh on the other hand, is poetic and chivalrous with his music, something that has, on the whole, died when the '60's generation came to be. His lyrics reflect how hard it is to find love or the pain a person goes through when love is lost or let go. He sings about a city he feels connected to and explains to us why he moved there, through his song. He wrote a song about people that are close to you and will always support you especially when you take a step back in life and feel like there isn't anyone to turn to. There are a couple of songs from different albums that relay the life of a soldier and the aftermath of being in the service, a truly sad song. He even sneaks in optimism by re-iterating that hope is found in a "higher window", and we just need to make the decision to embrace it.

"If I Walk Away" by Josh Groban

You can tell the man has experienced much love and heartbreak in his time. A man cannot sing so passionately if he has not experienced a bit of what he sings nor write the lyrics to those songs.

To top of the cake with icing, he even sings in other languages, mostly Italian, Spanish, and Portuguese. The romantic languages that just roll off the tongue. A helpless romantic really is taken to another world.

Josh also isn't afraid to evolve with his music. He isn't stuck to the same genre each time he produces a new album. If you listen to songs from each of his albums, there is a different spin in the types of songs he sings. One album had a couple of South African songs while his latest album was produced by Rick Rubin, a man who produced the Red Hot Chili Peppers. The sound of that album is very different than his past albums. You really can't put Josh in a single genre because he's in many. He really isn't in the business for self glory but instead, to inspire and keep himself challenged throughout his career.

Hardworking and passionate. My kind of a man!

"Love Only Knows" by Josh Groban

One of my favorite songs off his newest album

Lastly, I'd like to end this post by saying that there aren't too many singers nowadays, that can write their own music, sing without autotune, play the drums so well, act appropriately in public (eg. interviews, when addressing the paparazzi e.t.c), love and trust his fans to the point where he sings and meets them in the audience during a concert, has suitable fashion for different kinds of events (look above, his photos relay a great taste in fashion!), have a foundation that promotes the arts, stand up in front of Congress to petition more spending for arts programs across the country, and is exceedingly dreamy good looking individual all around (among many other features I cannot think of at the moment).

Even though I joke about Josh being my Plan C for a husband, realistically speaking, if I can find a man who is this passionate and involved with his work and truly loves the people he serves and those who are close in his life, I'd be a happy woman!

Teachers

 There comes a moment when my heart must stand alone
On this lonely path I've chosen
like a house that's not a home
sometimes when I feel I've had enough
and I feel like giving up
you willed me to be all I can be
now nothing can stop me

I believe in the power that comes
From a world brought together as one
I believe together we'll fly
I believe in the power of you and I

This the moment we have dreamed of all our lives
We'll be the change we wish from others
We'll stand tall for what is right
And in my heart there'll be no doubt
"and the arms of" the world will come reaching out
And embrace me to be all I can be
Now nothing can stop me

I believe the time is right now
Stand tall and make the world proud
I believe together we'll fly
I believe in the power..
http://www.sweetslyrics.com/726637.Nikki%20Yanofsky%20-%20I%20Believe.html


I'd like to start off with this video by Nikki Yanofsky, titled "I believe". Not only does this song and video make me proud to be Canadian, it also reflects my belief of each person's journey in life.

Today is the last day of summer holidays. I start a brand new school year tomorrow. All is prepped up, run off, and I'm almost at a point mentally where I can again embrace my students and try my best to empower them with knowledge and inspiration.

 The whole first stanza of the Yanofsky's song in my mind symbolizes what a child must feel like coming into a new school or a new learning environment. There isn’t anyone to turn to nor anyone for that student to trust. That’s where teachers come in.

“You willed me to be all that I can be, now nothing can stop me”. 

That’s our job. We challenge our students to pursue their dreams, to make friends, to find a niche for themselves within the school until nothing can stop them from reaching their goals.

"I believe together we'll fly, I believe in the power of you and I"

The bond between student and teacher is a strong one. It is obvious that a teacher passes on the curricular knowledge to each student so that he or she may succeed in school. It is less obvious that a teacher more importantly teaches students how to live with one another and how to interact with all types of personalities, cultures, and races. It is equally important that students understand that life isn't easy and learning the skills to cope with many stressors and situations is vital. Together, teacher and student can change the world... together we'll fly from the power of you and I.

" I believe the time is right now, stand tall and make the world proud"
And so I start my new year! Going in each day, I think of the fact that the time is right now and that I can change someone's future by an act or a simple teaching. I see students changing and making the world proud. And so, this beautiful cycle completes itself and hopefully betters the world, even if in a tiny way.


The teaching profession is so important and I wish all teachers a fantastic year of inspiring young minds!