Risk

It's been awhile since I last wrote. I was having troubles finding inspiration in recent weeks but I have found something that I truly believe in but can be very hard to fully follow at times.

"To Risk"

by William Arthur Ward

To laugh is to risk appearing a fool,
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.

To reach out to another is to risk involvement,
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.

To place your ideas and dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.

To love is to risk not being loved in return,
To live is to risk dying,
To hope is to risk despair,
To try is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.

The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.

He may avoid suffering and sorrow,
But he cannot learn, feel, change, grow or live.

Chained by his servitude he is a slave who has forfeited all freedom.

Only a person who risks is free.




I take many risks in my profession. Risks in terms of what materials to teach and how to teach them, risks when it comes to assigning projects that the students may or may not like, or even recipes that may not appeal to anyone in my Foods classes. I take these risks as a way to challenge myself and keep myself interested in my line of work. 


Many risks end up in failure. I made Cream of Chicken Soup with my Foods 20 students and it wasn't a personal favorite for many, including teachers who sampled. I little risk as it was, I still vowed to find another recipe that will suit the needs of all as well as cover the curriculum. The next cooking class, I whipped out a chow mein and it was extremely successful. 


These examples are miniscule compared to the life risks that we all take. Risking friendships, love, personal standing in a community of people are things that often plague me as I sit on my couch looking at my beautiful red and orange leaved tree, contemplating making the "right" choices. 

I had a very in dept "philosophical" conversation with a good guy friend of mine about letting go, loosing up, and trusting. 


Trust.

A word that is full of meaning and a major risk. I trust women a lot more than men. My friend picked up on that quite quickly. I can pick up on whether or not my gal friends are telling me the truth and if they will keep my personal feelings and observations quiet. I know which women not to trust with a sensitive topic. I know which women gossip in a bad way. 


Men are so hard to read. And really, shouldn't it be quite the opposite? Women are the multi-layered ones! Yet, I find myself asking my best guy friend "You will keep this a secret, won't you?" I have had ex's and guy friends telling me I have trust issues due to one liners like that one. I should mention that this distrust does not come from a background or history of a bad family life. I really am not sure why I've stopped trusting men other than past failed relationships.


And so, my quest continues; to take a "risk" and trust men more. Period.

"To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self."

My aforementioned guy friend says I need to be myself more and stop pretending to be like the person I'm trying to please. It apparently gets me nowhere, go figure. Not that my personality changes completely when I'm around a person I'm interested in; however, I try too hard to like everything he likes and sometimes, like in my last relationship, I forget to do the things I love doing. Hence why I became so utterly depressed and bitter. To expose myself the way I am is a huge risk for me. I do it only in front of my closest friends (and family of course) who I know don't judge me. My comfort zone. No risk there. 


Maybe I should try being more myself around everyone and not give a damn what they think. Easier said than done.

"To love is to risk not being loved in return" 




The story of my life. More often than not, the men that I secretly begin to admire and look up to never seem to notice me the same way. Such is the way it goes, I know, but that is the risk we take, don't we.


When I was in my late teens and early 20s and I fell for a guy, if it was strong enough, I'd cave and write him a letter. I took the risk of rejection. It wasn't a mushy letter, but more so a letter stating that he was a fantastic guy to be with and that I had feelings for him. Words never came easily to my mouth but writing always has (Hence why I started a blog). Every single time, I was rejected, but I never felt bad. In fact, I felt better when I gave the guy the letter. A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.


I haven't written to men I liked in a very long time. I'm not even sure it would be appropriate anymore, especially since in my age bracket, men might be in very committed relationships (without me knowing). 


"He may avoid suffering and sorrow [by not risking],
But he cannot learn, feel, change, grow or live."


Which I have every time. I may have felt like I couldn't love anymore, but I don't regret dating. I grew incredibly as a person and learned many aspects of my personality.

Life is full of hope and that hope always finds a way back into my heart. My guy friend told me to take his advice to heart and I will albeit in baby steps. It isn't easy to change negative aspects of a personality.


Old habits die hard.


And love is the biggest risk in life.

Paul Brandt- Risk

(Listen to the lyrics, this is the way I want to live my life)